Zfetch

Introduction
Zfetch is notoriously known to think he is the best mafia player to roam CDC in it's existence. He claims to have the ability to manipulate, create, and rip people's anus' into pieces with his butt-clenching techniques.

People like FramingDragon, and DebluvsCanucks are known for having their fine rumps created by Zfetch. Zfetch takes an hour of his time to sow, knead and taste every ounce of fine quality derriere he makes. Although his formula for making back-passages aren't confirmed, it was Wikileaked that he prefers a tender, crisp outside, and a molten, chewy, 90% dark chocolate filling.

He has the longest ongoing ironman streak, which consists of every game he has ever played, beginning in game 118 on September 29, 2014.

Sexual encounters
•112: 21yo; female.(From 1996-2004) "Tight like a 7 year old"-Zfetch

•HashtagNucks ; 69yo cougar; female.(From 2004-2005) "Her English professor and I have agreed that she has superb oral skills"-Zfetch

•DebluvsCanucks; 18yo; unknown gender.(From 2006-2009) "She was the love of my life, until Horvat got in the way. I banned him shorty after"-Zfetch

•Alexander Ovenchicken; 29yo; cooked.(From 2011-2014) "Moist on the outside, tender on the inside"-Zfetch

Achievements
•Won Gold Medal in 400m SOBsled.

•Donated 1 million 100 billion dollars to Charity.

•Obtained Jessie Owens Olympic Gold Medal from German Camp.

•Learned to fly a plane, car and boat all before the age of 8.

•CEO of Google

•Stole an Apple from the garden of Kreten.

Smelled his own earwax without digging it out first.

Philosophies
"One must mature, before they can nurture."

"You need to learn how to type before you code"

"Everyone must be given equal rights. We will have more traffic jams if there are less going left"

"Thy must dial before they can pound"

"Life is like Mafia. You either lynch, or you don't"

"When life gives you Virtanen's, make Aladeens."

Games Hosted

 * New Super Mafia Bros
 * The Grinch Who Stole Christmas
 * The City of New York vs Al-Qaeda
 * West Coast-East Coast Rivalry
 * Pokemon